Knocking on Heaven's Door, Looking for My Mum

31st March 2018

Mak has left all of us to a better place. I heard she's heading to Jannah (heaven) now. Mak left without even say goodbye to me =(
She couldn't wait because she was rushing to Jannah.

I was in Cape Town, South Africa. I guess she don't want to see my terrible crying face *which I cry terribly, every fricking nights*.

I was at the wedding. Beautiful one! At the hotel next to the beach. Of course the view is stunning. Little did I know that beautiful view to be replaced with something exquisite.

My heart literally break, broken. To tiny tiny tiny pieces.

Empty.

Received a call, then pack my stuff, to the airport, rushing back but it took me 26 hours to reach home. By the time I reached home, it was already a little too late.

Sad, terribly sad.
Guilt, definitely guilty.

I did not manage to see my mum for the last time *just few video calls with my sister to her from the phone screen*. I did not manage to kiss my mum's cheek for the last time. I did not manage to hug her for the very last time. Above all, I did not manage to be there, to send her to eternity. I cannot see her forever!

The only thing I can do now, to pray for both of us to see each other again in heaven. I know that she will be waiting! She is! And I am going to see her!

Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, kau hindarilah dia dari azab kuburMu, dari azab api nerakaMu. Kau permudahkanlah jalannya menuju syurgaMu dan Kau pertemukanlah kami semula nanti di sana, agar kami berdua dapat bersama-sama berpegangan tangan berjalan-jalan di taman Firdausi nanti.

Al Fatihah.